Traumatic Grief Education

Traumatic grief is a specific type of bereavement in which a person or family experiences the death of a beloved or beloveds in a sudden, unexpected, violent, or anachronistic/out of order way.  Grief (bereavement) is then also experienced within the context of trauma being involved related to the death. As a result, both grief responses and trauma responses become a part of the lived experience of those grieving.  You can read about some of the typical grief and trauma responses that are common while enduring traumatic grief on the grief counseling page.

Traumatic grief is not a disorder or a mental illness. It is, however, very misunderstood within our culture.  Grievers are often met with platitudes, demands to ‘move on’, encouragement to escape emotions through substances and distraction, exclusion from social gatherings, insistence to ‘think positively’, and discouragement from talking about their pain or their beloved that died.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It can certainly feel that way while grieving, but please be assured that the pain and dis-order you are feeling is simply your natural response to missing, longing, and trying to make sense out of something that makes no sense. You love the person or people who died and they are suddenly – no longer here. Of course you are in pain. Of course you are sad. Of course sleep is elusive. Of course you feel isolated. Of course nothing feels right. You are in deep mourning.  However, you do not have to bear this pain alone. Our providers would be honored to meet you and know as much as you want to share about your beloved who has died.  To schedule an appointment, you can find available session times here: https://terri-waibel.clientsecure.me

Grief and depression are not the same thing. Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) is a diagnosable mental disorder outlined within the DSM 5. It has some characteristics that appear similar to grief, but it is not the same. If you are in deep mourning, you are likely experiencing many of the symptoms of MDD, including: sadness, inability to experience pleasure, social withdrawal, changes in sleep and eating patterns, lack of energy, difficulty with concentration, etc. PLEASE BE AWARE –  it is highly important to consider the CONTEXT in which you are experiencing these responses. It is normal, natural, and expected to be experiencing such deep sadness after someone you love has died. This is not pathology. Rather – this is an expression of your love and longing for them.

* If you have a history of Major Depressive Disorder prior to the death of your beloved, this is something that can be explored further within the therapeutic setting.*

You are right.  No one else can understand what this is like for you because no one else is you. No one else has the same relationship that you do with the person you love that died.  And, no one else is grieving the person you love that died in the same way that you are grieving.  Our providers would not assume to know what this is like for you, but they will listen deeply about your experience.  At the same time, as a part of being human, there are some experiences in grief that can be similar for grievers, though they are not the ‘same’.  Together with our providers at Center for Compassion, you can approach both those experiences that are entirely individual in your grief as well as those experiences that may seem somewhat similar or universal as a part of grieving.

It can seem very scary to talk with someone about the intense emotions that come with the experience of traumatic grief.  All of your work with your provider in therapy will be at your own pace on your own terms. Please know that it is safe to explore your most painful feelings and thoughts when we meet. Within the therapy setting, all of our providers strive to continually practice non-judgement, presence, and nuanced support specific to your own grief experience. If you would like to get connected and learn more about how you can get support at Center for Compassion, please reach out at: info@​thecenterforcompassion.com or 480-530-6441.

As a part of the practice approach at Center for Compassion, we try very hard not to use the word ‘better’ when it comes to traumatic grief.  This is because grief isn’t something that needs to be fixed or changed.  That being said, the frequency and intensity of grief responses does change over time with the practice of becoming familiar with grief.  As you work to create a relationship with grief and become familiar with it both in and out of sessions, you will strengthen your emotional capacity to feel and honor grief when it arises for you.

Yes. Traumatic grief is a different experience than grief for other kinds of losses. In addition, each experience of grief can be different because you are grieving a different person and you have a different relationship with them.  It is quite typical and normal for each experience of grief to be somewhat different from one another.

Unfortunately, grief is highly misunderstood without our culture and community. As a result, many grievers are met with hurtful platitudes, comments, and misunderstanding about their pain and their grief experience such as: ‘God has a plan’, ‘they are in a better place’, ‘it was for the best’, ‘you can have more children/another spouse/another friend’, ‘everything happens for a reason’, or ‘it could be worse’.  For many grievers, these comments are not helpful and can increase the sense of isolation and stigma that often happens with traumatic grief.  If this has happened, you are not alone in this experience.

Mindfulness is a popular buzz term being used frequently to describe a therapeutic approach developed by Dr. Jon Kabat Zinn called ‘Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction’. However, it is often misconstrued to convey an attempt to ‘not think’ or to only focus on what is externally happening in the moment.  Mindfulness is truly the practice of being fully present with all that is arising in each moment both externally AND internally. For example, if you are feeling an internal sense of sadness or missing – while using mindfulness you would turn your attention TOWARD the internal emotional state, rather than trying to distract yourself from it or ‘not think’ about it.  While practicing staying with the emotion you will notice that the emotions come and they go, that no emotion is eternal. This can be helpful while grieving because it allows the opportunity to become familiar with painful emotions and practice feeling them. With practice it can be seemingly less fearful to be reminded of your pain and feel the emotions when they arise. To begin work together in sessions, you can schedule an appointment at this link: https://terri-waibel.clientsecure.me